How did this happen? All the cliche’s…all the song lyrics…all the times I tried to “hang on and enjoy every minute”, have somehow slipped by and now and my two little babies aren’t babies anymore. So they’re 18.…now what?
Twins
I had twins. They were our first. One boy. One girl. One perfect family, according to some. (Not to us, we went on to happily have another girl 5 years later…) We still talk about the shock of discovering we were having two babies instead of one….driving home from the hospital with those two car seats in the back, with the most surreal feeling ever…and the occasional struggles of dealing with two kids with different strengths and weaknesses …but the exact same age. It’s been a journey. So they’re 18….now what?
We’ve gone to parent teachers, gymnastics, cheer, soccer, and hockey. We’ve hosted countless kids here for sleepover’s, dances, prom pics, birthday parties, etc. The days of coordinating play dates and visits, have morphed into texts, and last-minute plans…all with a healthy dose of worry. So they’re 18….now what?
High School
I felt a shift happen when they started high school. And by shift, I mean I started losing control. I no longer knew where they were at all times. No longer knew all the kids and families of who they were spending their time with. No longer knew what sort of pressures they were facing each day. That’s when I started to shift too. I started to move from telling them what to do and not to do, and into a lot more guiding and advising. I still say “no” when I feel it’s necessary, but definitely talk a lot more about choices and ultimately giving them some decision-making powers. This has not been easy. In fact, I have found it to be one of the most challenging parts of parenting so far. But if we don’t let them start being responsible for themselves at some point, how are they supposed to be ready for life as adults?
Yesterday my twins turned 18. In doing some research, I have discovered that the “age of majority” is different depending on the Canadian Province you live in. Here in Nova Scotia the age of majority – legally this is the age that a person is considered to be an adult-is 19 . Wait a minute…I have another whole year before they are considered “adults”??! I have been focused on them turning 18 and magically becoming an adult, when all this time, they still have another year to go! This will come as news to some of my friends who I have heard many times say, “I just have to get them to 18…”. ;). So they’re 18….now what?
photo credit-Heidi Jirotka Photography
Legally considered an adult or not, this will be a changing year. They are graduating in June, and looking at their next steps as far as secondary schooling/work goes. I feel so many mixed emotions around all of it. It’s going to be a year of transitions, but I am trying to focus on the excitement I feel for them as they begin this phase of their lives.
So they’re 18….now what?
So now what? We will still be here…listening and advising…and allowing them to figure things out. It’s not going to be easy….not a lot of parenting is…but it will be worth it. There will be graduations, colleges or university, work, relationships, success and failures…all of these things and more. Loving and letting go, little by little. That’s what parenting is. Letting them become the people we have helped nurture and shape for the past 18 years. It doesn’t feel possible…it’s gone by so fast….but we couldn’t be more proud.
Disclaimer: Despite being a parent for 18 years, I generally feel like I have NO idea what I am supposed to be doing. When my kids turned 10, I threw out the parenting “library” I had built up, and decided to go with my gut. My intuition…my girlfriends…and an occasional glass of wine or two…have gotten me through, and I haven’t looked back since. I strongly suggest you have one or more of these items at the ready during the “parenting teen” years. 😉
